September 29, 2020, by Agnes

A New Reality

When I wake up, the first thing I do is check my phone. This morning, it’s an email reminding me about a welcome talk – five minutes before it starts. I drag myself out of bed, turn the kettle on and find my laptop under a pile of clothes on the couch. I cleaned the flat yesterday, how is it so messy? Or was it the day before? All of them blend into one another. 

The muffled, slightly lagging voice coming from my laptop is reminding me that lectures start on Monday. “Unprecedented times… safety measures… wear a face-covering…” My thoughts bubble with anxiety to the tune of the kettle’s grumbling. I’m not great at studying at home, I’m always getting distracted. First year was so lonely, I can’t even imagine how much worse this year will be. 

The room is filled with silence and I brew a cup of coffee. Two sugars, soya milk. Back to the desk. My notebook is still there, (where else would it be?) open on a half-finished Maths problem. I try to find the tab with the worksheet on the screen… there it is… I still don’t understand it. It’s last year’s content. How will I cope with this year? I’m too embarrassed to ask about it, it’s probably silly. Honestly, I don’t even know what I don’t understand. It’s just so overwhelming. I click on the neighbouring tab containing the solutions to the worksheet. Yeah, none of this makes sense to me. This module was cancelled because of the… you know. And now I have no idea how to write a statistical report. How am I going to write statistical reports this year? I feel like giving up.

Deep sigh. I’m not ready to face the day, yet. I decide that I’ll get back to work after lunch. Before then, I’ll have a good breakfast, shower, get out of the clothes I slept in, clean the flat and go for a walk. Or maybe even a bike ride. I start by filling out my journal – I write down nice memories from the day before, things I’m grateful for. I’m determined I’ll have something to write about today too. Even if it’s something minor.

After all, we’re all  ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ doing the best we can.

Posted in Agnes