January 11, 2017, by Lucy

New Year, New Me?

*Probably not, Lucy… don’t get your hopes up.


Every year social media, as well as real life, becomes inundated with people claiming that January marks the beginning of something new. Apparently at no other time of the year are people incapable of change because the universe forbids such an action happening. Karen, what do you mean you want to get a new haircut, career or house? You can’t… it’s May! Why, you’ll have to wait until January, everyone knows that! So, with that I will outline my reasoning against the setting of new years resolutions.


They fail. A lot.

Come February it seems as though the whole world and their dog has failed at sticking to their resolution. It all begins gradually with you being eating a slice of cake for your mum’s birthday before it escalates into you insisting that you’ll only have “one more” biscuit. Yeah, yeah, you wish. And that’s the thing, as soon as you fall off of the wagon, you are left in the dirt completely. One small slip is a big enough excuse to give up the whole thing completely. Soon this becomes a yearly cycle with the setting of resolutions leading to their own ultimate downfall.


They are, mostly, unrealistic

I’m going to lose two stone by March! I’m going to learn how to fly! I’m going to become a millionaire! Chirpings like these sound are all said with a bubbly tone and a massive grin on the face of the overly optimistic (oblivious) victims. Hidden behind their smiles is a mass of worry as they realise that they have no idea how to attack such a target, the target that they have told all their colleagues they will smugly achieve easily. Yeah, okay Coleen, I’m sure you will be a Doctor by the end of the year despite having no educational background in the medical field. Good luck.


They impose structure

Why does the 1st of January symbolise change? Why do people take it for being the only day out of 365 to make amends to their lives? In the midst of the holiday cheer and the bliss of the looming bank holiday, people are too absorbed by happiness to think about the reality of the situation: 1st January is just a day. It is literally the same as the other 364 days of the year. If you wanted to change that much you’d do it at any point during the year. Now, if you want to lose weight in summer, do it in summer. Besides, surely it’s better to do it then than when you’re surrounded by three boxes of chocolate and a tin of biscuits?


I mean, if you want to turn January 2017 into the beginning of you then by all means go ahead. I on the other hand will be situated next to the box of Quality Streets being all too smug to listen to your groans.


Happy new year, and tell me how the diet’s going in May, yeah?

Posted in Lucy