December 23, 2012, by Kiran

A Very Merry (Topical) Christmas Carol

200052_10152344191015284_818278042_n[1]Once upon a Christmas time in the magical land of Birmingham, 4 cousins went for a festive meal. Little did they know, the candle of Christmas, the candle that protected all joy and happiness around this time of year, had been compromised! (Dun dun duh!) Instead of counting down the days until Christmas, it had begun to suck the life out of the Earth, ready to start the apocalypse.




But back to more trivial matters, it is a well known fact that every student looks forward to home cooked meals once they get back from uni. With this in mind the 4 cousins had decided to go out for a curry instead…because it is also a well known fact that a hearty curry was the epitomy of Christmas. 

They were all having such a good time when suddenly somewhere far far away an icy breeze blew out the candle of doom. It began!

After a suspiciously spicy korma sauce, a rumble could be heard coming from outside the restaurant. Just a snow storm brewing they thought. They were wrong!

A chorus of high pitched meows. Uh-oh! It was obvious to them now. The curry house must have thought it was a good idea to book a bunch of talentless but cute kids to sing some carols as entertainment. It wasn’t the end of the world though…or was it?!

Scratching at the door…the kids had really long nails?! The door burst open to reveal an army of very hairy kids. No. Not kids. CATS!


 The cousins managed to capture 1 of the cats in a box (they had always wanted a pet) but there were just too many of them…


How could this be happening? They hadn’t even ordered dessert yet! On the plus side, not one of them had completed their Christmas shopping and being students they were quite broke so at least they would not have to worry about that if the world was going to end any moment. They would however have to worry about being ravaged to death.

Never fear though! What kind of Christmas tale would this be if Santa didn’t make an appearance?! This seems like an appropriate time so, just in time, Santa barged into the restaurant, ordered a balti, and announced he was here to save the day…ho ho ho!


How was Santa going to beat all those cats though I hear you eagerly cry. Well luckily he had his trusty Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph with him too.  








                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               They decided to hold a peace conference. You see, Santa explained to the cats that some of his reindeers were getting a bit old and he needed back up staff to fly his sleigh. Rudolph wasn’t too pleased to hear this news though (and for the very first time) and so his nose shone an even brighter red in embarrassment!                      



Santa had seen the cats commitment to destroying the world and decided that he needed that kind of enthusiasm on his team! Now it is a well known fact that cats take well to flattery and so they agreed to join the good guys.

They all celebrated this happy ending with dessert. Deciding candle light was too dangerous to eat by, they plugged in some Christmas tree lights instead and all went home with a stomach ache.

Merry Christmas one and all!




p.s. The candle of doom belongs to Hannah Clay. Photography credit goes to Alice Varma. Slightly suspicious some of the photos may have been tampered with though…

Posted in 2012 Kiran