April 1, 2012, by Adlan Wafi Ramli

torn asunder

Have you ever trust someone and later finding out that the person is the one who’s responsible for bringing you down?

The result for our Honours Year Project was released on Thursday last week. I was ready to see my mark within the range of the majority but I was surprised to see that it was way below average. It was just so disappointing. It’s like the feeling I had when I find out I had to do a project in Microbiology and Infectious Diseases for 8 months -_-” It was just so devastating.

But I felt better afterwards especially when I attended a talk delivered by Dr Harlina (popularly known as Dr Har), a Malaysian doctor specialises in Obs/Gyn (female reproductive organ specialty) and Medical Education. The event was organised by IMAM (Islamic Medical Association of Malaysia) and IKRAM (a Malaysian students organisation throughout the UK and Ireland). One of the things which she mentioned was “you hold the gate to your emotions”. It made me realise somehow that we’re the ones who are responsible to allow ourselves to feel sad, happy, frustrated or angry. Of course, it takes years of practice for one to be able to control his/her emotions.

"I can't wait until I'm older...Being young means that you're still naive. That's why it feels like you're soaring in the sky or sinking beneath the ocean when someone you admire betrays you.Those emotions control your entire life, and can make you lose sight of who you are. By growing older, your heart grows more experienced. You grow one step further away from being controlled by your feelings..." Hinamori, Bleach - 239


So, I decided to let it go and opened up the feedback envelope (the envelope containing the feedback from examiners with comments and criticisms) for my Honours Year Project which I received from my friend Fadhli who gladly collected it on my behalf since I was away in Mansfield.

It was so frustrating to find out the reason why my result was so low. I mean, I didn’t even realised that it was actually this person who gave me such low marks. This person could easily give me a 1st class mark..I mean, I did all my work and even spent hours in the notorious lab. The least that the person could do is to give me a decent mark or maybe, tell me the reason of why I got so low. The feedback was generally postive so yeah, I’m very confused of why my mark is so low.

This person was the one who gave me inspiration and boosted my spirits when everything in the lab was going wrong. In the end, this person is the one who brought my whole mark down. And this project contributes 60 credits to my degree…and to make it worst, this person gave me the lowest mark that I ever obtained in the whole 3 years since I began my medical course in 2009.

It was such an ironic ending for my Honours Year Project. I feel like I’m in a Star Wars movie when Anakin Skywalker became evil and betrayed Obi Wan Kenobi or like Hinamori in Bleach when Aizen backstabbed her.

It hurts when someone whom gave you hope initially was the one who destroys it in the end.

I shall continue to progress through my Clinical Phase with a reminder that I shall not trust other people easily…

being me,

Wafi ='(

Posted in 2011-Wafi