February 1, 2015, by Gemma Coleman
I will never be a bartender
Sheldon: I’ll have a Virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That’s, um, Rum and Coke without the rum. So Coke. There’s a can in the fridge.
Sheldon: A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
Penny: (sarcastically) Then swim to Cuba.
Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.
(Big Bang Theory)
Last week was the Student Union’s ‘Welcome Back’ week- time to try out a new society before the new term kicked in, new year new me and all that. After briefly toying with the idea of trying out salsa, I remembered I couldn’t dance and would probably end up hurting someone or hospitalising myself. Flair Soc, which teaches you the niche trick of fancy bartending, seemed much safer. How wrong I was.
Bottles and shakers or weapons?
“Help Gemma”- this turned out to be the buzzword of the taster session as I repeatedly dropped the bottles and shakers, threw them at innocent bystanders and generally demonstrated my poor hand-eye coordination. It was then that I remembered I also couldn’t catch.
I dropped this one too
I went with a friend who picked it up straight away, doing the ‘infinite loop’ (throwing the bottle and shaker round your back and across your body: really impressive if you don’t throw it the wrong way like I kept doing), like he worked in TGI Fridays. The guys running the session were very sympathetic and helpful, but I knew I was a lost cause the minute I pulled a muscle in my leg due to the repeated bending down to pick up dropped props. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I couldn’t do this
Bruised, out of breath and sweaty, I left knowing this would be the end of my very short bartending career. But it was fun and the week was a great way to try out things you would never normally do. Just don’t hand me a bottle of Grey Goose to practise with.
Feel free to drop the Grey Goose but never, ever be that disrespectful to a decent vodka such as Belvedere!