May 31, 2019, by Jem

5 Things You Must Do This Summer Lest It Be Wasted

Learn to Surf

The sea seems pretty when there’s land beneath your feet but if you’ve ever come into contact with the vast thing, you’ll be aware that its appearance is a lie, its shining surface is lovely icing on a bad sponge. The sea is cold, upsets the tongue and tum when sipped, and its depths play host to floating debris and murderers with gills and wide grins.

The best surfers are the ones that stay above the surface because they are in the know, they are privy to the horrors of the ocean and are haunted by the times they fell under. Like these troubled masters, you and I know the vileness of the ocean and this will serve us on the wavetops. Surfs up, get out there.

Learn to Skate

If you learn to surf then you’re learning to skate. This is just my opinion, I haven’t once done either of these things but they do seem similar. Skating and surfing are each must-dos though, don’t think you can bunk off the ocean by learning only to skate. Must do both. Must learn both.

Learn Some Manners

If you haven’t yet, then it’s high time you did.

Become Too Powerful for Your Own Good

You can be flexible with this one. Whether you acquire political or physical power is up to you. I opted for physical last Summer. You wouldn’t know it from my current gaunt figure, but in 2018 I was ripped out of my mind.

My neck was the most powerful part of me, very vascular, like a boxer’s bicep beneath my chin. It frightened me each evening as I brushed my teeth… whenever I caught sight of it in the mirror my heart began racing real fast. Those sleepless nights made me vow to be thin forever.

It was a lesson learned: there is such a thing as having too much power for one’s own good.

Dissolve Friendships

The sun doesn’t seem to shine as bright in poor company. Oust the rot.

Is there a friend that can’t be trusted? Suspect they’ll betray you one day? This is the Summer where they go. Get them out of your life. Tell them “I don’t trust you.” Tell them “You’re very shifty and I worry you might smite me when I’ve my back to you, my attention caught by fine art or by the sea (from a distance).”

Once you’ve gotten rid of one rotter, it will be easy to rid yourself of the rest. “Es tu Brutus, the same goes for you Richard, and you Fiona, there is so much not to like about each one of you. No one can be trusted this Summer. Will you each of you, all of you, every last one of you please just get your filthy heads out of my sight?”

So there you are, five must-dos for the Summer.

Posted in Jem