February 26, 2015, by James
Oxford v. Cambridge
Alright gang,
It’s been a tough old week so far. The kind of week when you watch the weather as a painting and you go to sleep with a word document firmly etched into your retinas.
We meet again…
It’s not all been bad though, I made it down to Oxford last weekend for a friend’s 23rd and had a great time. Perhaps not the best use of a crucial weekend but, hey, widening my tinder exposure can count as networking… right?
The trip also allowed me to answer one of academia’s great questions: Oxford or Cambridge?
It’s an issue that perplexed 17 year olds smarter than I was (and probably still am) for all of that one month when we were bothered about UCAS.
Well, now I have an answer:
*Drumroll please*
…
It’s…
Cambridge!
For the following reasons:
1. Cambridge has more water on its colleges. This gives you more opportunities to exercise the classic Oxbridge traditions of punting, rowing and re-enacting the final scene of Master & Commander.
For England, for home, and for the prize!
2. Cambridge’s stone buildings are inherently better than Oxford’s brick buildings. Why are they better? Let’s look at the most famous occupants of stone and brick housing. For stone housing we have The Queen. She’s Soveriegn of our beloved Nation, Pride of the Commonwealth and regular recipient of my tounge (I’m a man of letters). For brick housing we have the Three Little Pigs, clinically thick farm animals currently unable to go outside. Cambridge wins.
Cambridge: streets second only to Lenton.
3. Better beards. Cambridge beards say ‘I was too busy trying to unravel the secrets of the universe to shave’ while the Oxford ones are more ‘I copied this from a YouTube comedian’.
This is Professor Aubrey De Grey, Cambridge Gerontologist. He is probably the man closest to achieving immortality in humans.
With a beard like that, I hope he succeeds.
Well, that settles the debate.
See ya next week.
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