February 12, 2013, by Beca

Hills, happiness and hair dye

After a weekend of exploring Brecon in the dark with nothing but the shape of the person a metre in front to guide myself, some minor geographical misplacements and the formation of some very amusing memories, I crashed out during a break this afternoon – lecture seats are actually rather comfortable!

The weekend was amazing, but seriously hard graft; 90% of the time we were walking uphill, even when retracing steps (don’t ask how that works, it’s Wales, what do you expect?).  I arrived home not only to my eagerly awaited new camera accessories but also to a special delivery which made me feel like a very special girl even if I “don’t do Valentine’s Day”.

Lent starts tomorrow; so do the changes.  I know a lot of people see New Year as a chance to make a difference to their life but really, as a student, exam time is not the best time to start something new, and as for giving something up, every chocolate bar at exam time is required motivation.  In years past I’ve given up meat during Lent but nowadays I eat it maybe twice a week max so I think that would be a little bit of a cop out, so this year it’s going to be the stereotypical chocolate – in my defense, I am well and truly addicted to the stuff.

For me; Ash Wednesday (that’s the day after you stuff your face with pancakes) has always been a time to look at myself and all my flaws, to look at myself as God would see me.  Brecon this weekend, either staring at the inside of my bivvy bag or my feet while trekking up the endless hills, gave me a lot of time to think.  It’s been three years and this week is going to be just as tough as always but I know some things need to change; I want to be happy – not just the odd moment of laughing so hard I cry or being happy while with my friends – I want to be happy most, if not all, of the time.

• I have to be a lot less concerned about what other people think and stop holding myself to their expectations because in the end it’s not their’s that are important
• I spend too much time questioning ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’ when really I just need to be honest with myself about whatever the situation may be
• I have to be stronger when it comes to what I believe and not let myself get caught up in the moment/just doing what others want
• I need to let go of my ‘first love’ and accept there isn’t going to be another him – comparing everyone else to him isn’t going to get me anywhere

I’m happier now than I was this time last year, and the year before that.  Uni has had a lot to do with that; it let me start afresh and gave me so much more freedom to do the things I enjoy.  I want to keep getting happier and happier, to keep becoming a better person, but not forget where I’ve come from. There will always be tears, always be times I want to curl up and pretend like the world can’t find me but at times like this keeping busy helps a lot.

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On a lighter note:
About halfway through today’s immunology lecture I decided I want a physical change too so it’s bye bye red hair for a while… I’ve no idea how it’s gonna turn out; its the first time I’ve done it on my own, just waiting for it to dry now =D hee hee

*insert vain photos of one’s self pulling faces and thinking one’s cute*

PS.  Because I promised I’d get this one in here – Imogen is the proud holder (or not so proud as the case may be) of a Justin Bieber high score on Just Dance =D

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