June 12, 2025, by Jackie Thompson

Overcoming imposter phenomenon as an estranged student: Reframing your mind for career success

By Anna Milnes, second year, Psychology BSc

Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

Why do I feel like an imposter?

“I don’t belong here.”

There’s that nagging voice again, the one that makes you feel like a fraud. Perhaps you think that everyone else has it ‘figured out’, and that you’re the only one left lagging behind in life. It’s those gnat-like thoughts that pick at your psyche till you’re convinced you really are the only different one here– but this is imposter phenomenon talking.

As an estranged student, it’s easy to feel like an outsider. Dealing with things like familial/ housing instability, financial restrictions and the slight shame of joking about it to your friends– it’s sure to take a toll on you and the way you think you’re being perceived, especially in academic spaces.

Perhaps, you deal with thoughts like:

“I’m not smart enough”
“I’m only here because they felt sorry for me”
“Everyone else belongs here except for me”

Although these might feel true in the moment, they’re not.

How imposter phenomenon impacts your career

Unsurprisingly, your thoughts dictate your actions, especially career-related ones.

Irrational thoughts tied to imposter phenomenon may cause self-sabotaging behaviours, like avoiding job opportunities because you feel like you aren’t good enough.

You may also overcompensate– an incessant urge to constantly ‘prove’ yourself to employers. This could involve relentless perfectionism and people-pleasing attitudes, which become unhelpful upon exceed the normal limits.

You might also isolate yourself in fear of having to talk about your past when networking. Feeling like you’re over-sharing can be tough, though chances are you’re not.

I’ve dealt with all three of these things. For example, after becoming estranged from my mother, I downplayed my university acceptance to getting in by sheer luck rather than the actual hard-work I did in my A-levels.

Combatting your thoughts

In my experience, I’ve found some tactics that have worked very well in combatting my imposter phenomenon. The first step, as always, is accepting that these negative thoughts are irrational (which, hopefully you’ve come to realise whilst reading this), and so here is a list of methods which I couldn’t recommend more:

Reframing thoughts

1.Affirmations: though it sounds silly, repeating positive phrases to yourself tricks your brain into eventually believing them, which can help boost your self-esteem (e.g. “I deserve this.”)

2.CBT tactics: cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) is a therapeutic intervention which helps restructure those negative thoughts, but the best part is that you don’t need a therapist to do it for you. For example, take your thoughts to court:

• Negative thought: “I’m underqualified for this job.”
• Evidence for: did you get the job? Do you meet the relevant criteria?
• Evidence against: your degree, work experience.
• New, positive thought: “I have what it takes to do this.”

3.Support network: sometimes it’s okay to rely on those around you, such as your friends, support groups, or even pets (my cat certainly doesn’t care about my grade).

Career tips

• Before interviews: rehearse answers to mock questions that own your estrangement.
• Normalise your uniqueness: your personal perspective is a strength in the workspace.
• Celebrate small steps: you made it into your lecture today? Well done!

Why this matters

If estrangement has taught me anything, it’s that I can survive any situation– and you can too. Especially an interview, as scary as they seem. Each time you feel like an imposter, remember to reframe any negative thoughts and rely on those support networks.

Try repeating this phrase three times (because it’s true):

“I deserve success”

We’re here to help! If you are care-experienced or estranged from your family and you’d like to chat about anything job or career related, please email Hannah Woolley at hannah.woolley@nottingham.ac.uk 

 

 

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