June 3, 2025, by Jackie Thompson

Being an estranged student: navigating academia and career prospects

By Anna Milnes, second year, Psychology BSc 

Photo by Christina Winter on Unsplash

Redefining estrangement

The word ‘estranged’ is one that could mean many things to you. Perhaps it implies a sense of alienation, tension or upset from the experiences tied to its definition, or perhaps it is just a mere word to quantify the weight of that distance between you and your family member(s).

In truth, estrangement is an incredibly personal and arguably heavy word to use in contexts outside of private matters. Navigating the official processes to declare your estrangement from family members can be frustrating and definitions can feel narrow because the system often overlooks a crucial reality: estrangement from one parent, from any point in time and for however long, can be damaging and throw up career related challenges.

In this blog, I want to empathise with those students who struggle with fitting the traditional criteria of ‘estrangement’ and to focus on how you can personalise it and use it to positively impact your career prospects.

Hidden struggles

As a student with a non-traditional family background, it can be hard to find people who relate to the things you’ve gone through. I get it– my experience involved distancing myself from a parent at 17 years old, which impacted my mental health and studies. However, because my other parent was still in my life (though on the other side of the country), I was expected to rely on them alone.

The impact felt brutal:

• I missed career guidance sessions because I was too busy finding places to sleep.
• I worked a part-time job that was tough to keep as I kept calling in sick due to exhaustion and mental health issues.
• I didn’t research universities because I was living in survival-mode.

I mostly suppressed these struggles and kept to myself, as my friends around me couldn’t resonate with my experience.

Though, despite these hardships, estrangement forced me to develop some unexpected adaptability skills.

Estrangement makes you strong

Don’t get me wrong, it was tough out there. However, I found that estrangement taught me valuable, career-relevant skills that no classroom could:

• Independence – I learnt to seek out career-resources without the help of a parent (for example, Google, mentors, online services) which made me more self-reliant.
• Resilience – I was able to navigate unstable housing environments and push through adversity, helping me believe that I can get through anything.
• Interpersonal skills – Relying on others for temporary housing meant building relationships and trust quickly.

I encourage you to think about your experience for a bit, and pick out three transferable skills which you might’ve gained from it, even if it’s the same as mine…

Got them?

Now write them down, and save them for your CV.

Telling your employer…?!

Framing estrangement as a source of strength (not a sob-story) can be powerful in the working world. Though it might feel a little unprofessional or risky to disclose such personal information, highlighting your three skills from above could be useful.

Here’s an example:

“My non-traditional background has taught me to adapt quickly and build strong support networks which I am confident I can bring to this role.”

Reframing the narrative

Instead of seeing your estrangement as a purely negative thing, look at it as something that has contributed greatly to your life-experience and thus, your overall growth as a person. Focus on this growth– celebrate the small achievements and how any challenges you overcome shape your work ethic for the best. Your background doesn’t limit your potential; it equips you with strengths unique to you.

We’re here to help! If you are care-experienced or estranged from your family and you’d like to chat about anything job or career related, please email Hannah Woolley at hannah.woolley@nottingham.ac.uk 

 

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